Weekend Reflection: Your Happiness

When you choose to walk a creative path, you tend to get off course when you see someone excel in something that you thought you were good at. It sort of deflates your self-esteem and you cannot help but wonder if you made the right decision in going on this creative journey. I cannot tell you how many times in high school I flat out wanted to give up on art because I saw all of the international students drawing extremely well. They could use any form of art material and make a stunning masterpiece out of what they could find around the classroom. The only thing about art that I was good at was knowing that I liked it. I knew nothing else. I knew nothing about techniques or of practice. All I understood was that it was the only subject that I enjoyed because it was the only thing that I could choose to do myself.

Entering into art school was another big step for me. I could have gone through a plethora of majors, but for whatever reason fashion design seemed the most feasible to me. I figured that if I chose that as a major, my parents would not be as angry at me for giving up medical school (which I absolutely despised). But after my first few classes, I noticed there was an extreme difference between someone who was born with the ability to draw well and someone, like myself, who had to practice to even graze an extremely small fraction of the first person's talent and skill. It left me disliking fashion design and eventually not wanting to do it half-way through my undergrad.

And even up until this point, I still have to go against my fellow classmates in grad school as a lot of them work in the field and perfected their ability to sew, illustrate, and pattern garments. I felt like I should have been able to achieve a lot, but could not. I wondered to myself if I could ever get the opportunities that these individuals have experienced or are currently doing with the mediocre-like skills that I had.

I had lost so much confidence in myself and of my work. I felt like I had dug myself deeper and deeper into a pit of self-pity that I could not get myself out of. The minute that I began searching for jobs, everything turned around. I got to experience varying careers that I thought I would have never gotten to do. I worked with camera equipment, lighting equipment, and video equipment. I got to work at J.Crew and experience the life of retail. I interned at places that I never would have dreamt of being able to partake in. I regained my confidence in my own designs and learned to sell my experiences to recruiters. I started to dream big. It was the first time in over eight to ten years that I was confident in the things that I did and do.

It is normal to be at a loss. Everyone experiences it in different ways. You do not have to feel rushed to figure out what you need to do. Take your time to map out what it is that you want to do and figure out the details of all of that along the way. For some people, it will take a life-time to figure out what they want to do and for some it can take a few months. Those who do figure out what they want to do regardless of how long it took them will be happy. And in the end, your happiness is all that really matters.